Having a history of dating the wrong people can greatly impact your life in a negative way.
So, you’ve made the decision to settle down, huh?
But, before you commit to her and make a life-long commitment, make sure you’ve chosen wisely.
Take this decision seriously - don’t treat it like a trip to the store to buy snacks. If you make the wrong choice, every day will feel like a prison.
Don’t let the idea of “happily ever after” blind you. Approach this decision with logic and reason.
Ignore the distractions. Be objective. This is a serious matter, my friend.
Marrying the wrong person is like buying a beautiful house, paying off the mortgage, only to see it burn down, without insurance coverage.
I’ve witnessed loved ones end up in mental health facilities because they married someone who caused them great trouble. They overlooked warning signs during courtship and suffered the consequences… in a big way.
And sometimes, the damage to your mental and emotional well-being is irreversible.
Unsatisfactory marriages result in:
- Feeling unhappy and pessimistic about the future.
- Low self-esteem.
- Considerations of being unfaithful.
- Financial difficulties.
Reduce your chances of harm by conducting some traditional investigation.
1.Upbringing in the FamilyBefore you commit to a long-term relationship and start sharing a toothbrush holder, how much do you really know about her childhood?
This is important because our upbringing shapes our values, personality traits, morals, and beliefs.
You can’t control how she was raised, but delving into her family background will give you a better understanding of who she is.
For example, if she grew up in a household where her father would yell and be violent towards her mother, it suddenly becomes clear why she struggles with low self-esteem and gets emotionally triggered whenever you raise your voice.
Having similar backgrounds can make you more compatible because you share the same way of looking at the world. However, having different backgrounds shouldn’t be a deal-breaker. It’s more about getting to know the person you’re involved with.
In extreme cases, consider hiring a private investigator to conduct a thorough background check if something seems suspicious. If you suspect her dad is like a notorious criminal, it’s justified to pay a professional for assistance.
Some people’s upbringing will have a lasting impact on your life.
2.Financial Compatibility
Money can be a major source of conflicts in marriages and can affect the overall quality of your relationship.
How well do you match in terms of financial compatibility?
My uncle made a mistake by marrying someone who was more interested in his wealth. He didn’t mind having a trophy wife when he was a successful corporate executive, traveling the world in a private jet. His wife loved shopping at luxury boutiques and insisted on extravagant vacations.
Unfortunately, everything changed when he had a serious accident in his Ferrari F40. He is now permanently paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair. He has a hole in his neck and a tube in his windpipe, which means he can never work or speak again. On top of that, he didn’t save or invest any of his money.
After the accident, his wife continued to live a lavish lifestyle with the insurance payout. Once the money ran out, she left him, and he had to move in with his elderly parents.
While my uncle’s situation is extreme, it highlights the importance of learning about each other’s spending and saving habits during the dating phase. If you prefer a frugal lifestyle and aren’t interested in designer clothes, while your partner enjoys extravagant dining experiences every weekend and frequently splurges on luxury brands like Christian Louboutin, this could become a significant issue in the future.
Signs of financial trouble you should be aware of:
- Growing debts and credit card balances.
- Persistent overdue bills and fines.
- Frequent gambling habits.
- Receipt of letters from debt collectors or bankruptcy filings.
- Absence of savings history without a clear explanation.
For couples, it is important to have open and honest discussions about major financial decisions as well as smaller ones. Building trust involves being transparent about financial habits and discussing long-term financial goals.
3.Review of Medical Background
You know her favorite TV show is “The Kardashians,” she has a scar on her butt from a childhood bike accident, and she loves the Dallas Cowboys. But do you know about her family’s history of cancer?
These conversations are often ignored before couples decide to get married because they are invasive and uncomfortable.
Asking about genetic diseases like Huntington’s disease, hemophilia, or sickle cell anemia that run in the family is important for understanding the potential health challenges and risks for your future children.
A friend of mine, Drobbo (not his real name), learned this the hard way. He married the “love of his life” in a beautiful countryside wedding ceremony.
After a year, they had a child with sickle cell anemia. He knew he carried the sickle cell trait, but he didn’t think to ask her if she also screened for the sickle cell gene.
The fact that both parents had the gene meant their child had a high risk of having the disease.
If he had known she carried the gene, he might have had different feelings and they could have considered ending the relationship before investing so much into it.
At the very least, they could have proceeded while being aware of the risks and evaluating their options.
Now, their life is chaotic. They have to make constant trips to the hospital, deal with mounting medical bills, and their relationship is strained.
Warning signs that require further investigation:
- Unaddressed addictions to prescription medications, drugs, or alcohol.
- Refusal to undergo comprehensive STD screenings.
Ultimately, people can sometimes hide things, but not all the time.
4.Previous romantic relationships
”Leave the past where it belongs.”
You often hear this foolish advice all the time.
The past can give us valuable insights into future behavior. The key is not to be overly attached to someone’s past. Not everything about their past should bother you. Consider if certain things from their past are relevant to the present.
If you pay too much attention to everything you hear about the person you want to marry, you might miss out on an amazing individual. However, there are a few exceptions to this rule:
Patterns of abusive and toxic behavior. Cheating on past partners. A high number of previous partners. If she has cheated once in a previous relationship, it’s important to understand the reasons behind the infidelity and how she felt afterwards.
Did she feel regret or remorse?
Did she take responsibility for her actions?
A one-time cheater is similar to someone who has never had trouble with the law but makes one mistake and gets a DUI. They learn from the experience and realize the severity of their actions, usually never repeating them.
However, a serial cheater (someone who has cheated multiple times) should be avoided at all costs. They rarely show remorse or reflect on the reasons behind their actions; instead, they often deflect blame. They are more likely to cheat again.
Does her sexual history matter?
Firstly, I want to say that you should never ask someone about their sexual history, or “body count”.
Why?
If her past experiences make Rasputin sound like a virgin, it could mentally scar you. It’s best not to know.
Now, if you somehow find out that she has been with an entire active NFL roster, what do you do?
The answer is obvious.
End the relationship. Cut ties.
A promiscuous woman may struggle with committing to a monogamous relationship.
Sooner or later, she may long for variety and the excitement of past experiences. This situation is a ticking time bomb ready to explode in your face. If you play with fire, you’ll get burned.
If you care about someone’s sexual history, that’s your preference. Don’t let anyone shame you or label you as “insecure” for your feelings; it’s simply not true.