We strive ardently for matrimony, only to witness it crumble apart.
I embarked on a flight, withholding this information from anyone.
Like a bird soaring into the skies for the first time, I ascended to meet the woman whom I knew was destined for me.
From Southern California, I surreptitiously embarked on my maiden voyage overseas to meet the woman with whom I had been corresponding and conversing via email and Skype for countless months.
When the plane landed in South India, on the other side of the world, the aircraft’s doors opened. And there, in that moment, I caught sight of the woman with whom I had woven a romance over these preceding months. My heart gently fluttered open.
It felt as though I had known her all my life, despite never having met or laid eyes upon each other in person.
We encountered each other in that airport corridor as strangers, and three weeks later, we bid farewell as soulmates, destined to be together.
Words cannot capture the energy, excitement, passion, and elation that enveloped us as we explored the city and discovered one another. We had never been involved in prior relationships, neither had we found serious companionship. Fate had serendipitously brought us together in the realms of cyberspace.
Despite residing in different corners of the world, originating from disparate backgrounds, we discovered profound similarities. Shared dreams and aspirations bound us together. Our yearnings for life aligned perfectly. We brought laughter to each other’s lives and discovered enchantment in one another’s existence.
Although I had never experienced courtship before, I knew she was worth the wait. A lifetime of anticipation had manifested the woman of my dreams.
Bridging the Distance and Overcoming Obstacles
Both of us were still pursuing graduate studies, so marriage was not a foreseeable reality. In the months and years that followed, we experienced the most ardent and romantic phase of courtship.
We composed poetry for one another, engaging in hours-long conversations over Skype, and exchanged photographs. (Back in the early 2000s, we actually printed and sent physical copies of our pictures across international borders.)
Passionate phone calls and virtual kisses. Secret journeys across the globe, unbeknownst to our families, to catch glimpses of each other. Revealing our daily lives, sharing secrets, and intertwining our destinies.
Valentine’s Day surprises, birthday greetings, art sent across continents, floral deliveries, and unexpected chocolates.
The more we discovered about each other, the deeper our love grew. We felt an inexplicable connection to one another. With each passing day, we became increasingly convinced that ours was a romance destined to endure.
Eventually, our families learned of our relationship. However, they failed to perceive the love story that unfolded before our eyes. While we strongly desired to be together and chart a shared future, they voiced their concerns. They believed we were too young, too culturally diverse, living in disparate parts of the world, and emphasized the myriad differences between us.
Yet, we remained blinded to those disparities. Our gaze remained fixed on the destination: matrimony.
In fact, their opposition only strengthened our bond. I sent her a painting depicting Lord Krishna and Radha, symbolizing a profound mythological love story. Without delay, her father returned the painting to me via international post. Undeterred, I mailed it back to India as soon as it arrived.
The greater the distance between us, the closer we became. The more obstacles we encountered, the more unified we grew. The more critics doubted our love, the more our love for each other flourished.
To them, our relationship might have seemed like a passing fancy. To us, it was a narrative of eternal love.
A Celestial Wedding
Ultimately, love emerged victorious.
In defiance of our families’ reservations and the geographical expanse that separated us, we triumphed over it all.
Our families grew weary, realizing that we would either remain married for life or perpetually alone. Being dutiful Indian parents, they chose the former.
They became acquainted with the essential figures involved in orchestrating our wedding: the astrologer, the priest, and the wedding card artisan.
Each bestowed their blessings and presented their invoices. The astrologer proclaimed that we could not have found a better match anywhere in the world. The priest assured us that the holiest of deities would bless us on our special day. The wedding card artisan engraved our names in gilded letters on our wedding invitations, inscribing the phrase “Weddings are made in heaven” on the reverse side.
The invitations reached far and wide, extending a warm welcome to everyone remotely familiar to us. The astrologer’s blessings beckoned cosmic forces to bestow their blessings on our wedding day. The priest chanted sacred mantras, resonating throughout the wedding hall, as time-honored rituals solidified our happily ever after.
Thousands of guests graced the occasion. Garlands were exchanged, rings swapped. Exquisite Indian cuisine was served for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Gifts were bestowed, photographs captured.
A union forged in heavenly realms.
A Marriage Unraveled
When the wedding hall emptied, and the haze from Indian wedding rituals dissolved, our courtship transformed into married life.
The distance vanished as she embarked on her journey to America, engendering a life together. I was convinced that physical proximity would draw us even closer.
As the distance shrank, our hearts and the bond between us grew fainter. The trials of everyday existence and the hustle and bustle of modern careers pushed us further apart.
Our once-glorious love story began to fade. It was fervent when we courted one another, fueled by our desire for marriage. However, after the grand finale of our wedding, the larger picture, which we had both cherished, slipped away from us.
Instead of seeing eye to eye and embracing love side by side, our hearts drifted apart, leaving us adrift. We spent less time together, prioritizing virtual connections with our extended circle of family and friends. We lost our way. Living in close quarters, we discovered disparities in our personalities, interests, and priorities.
I took our marriage for granted, presuming that because we were married, we no longer had to invest effort into the relationship. After all, this was an Indian marriage—bound to withstand any circumstances, wasn’t it?
Alas, I was mistaken.
Despite devoting so much time and energy to falling in love, we failed to sustain that love once married.
Years spent weaving our tale of love, only for it to unravel after the wedding.
Planting Seeds and Cultivating Marriages
Plants, living organisms, require nourishment to thrive. They need water, sunlight, and nutrients to grow and flourish.
Similarly, marriages require nourishment to survive. To thrive, a marriage demands time, energy, communication, commitment, and mutual understanding. It necessitates care, attention, and love.
We invest copious amounts of energy into dating and falling in love, yet why do relationships unravel after the grand wedding day? While in love, we strive towards matrimony, willing to exert ourselves and fight for our partner. Yet, once we exchange vows, we believe we have attained the pinnacle of love, and we begin to take the relationship for granted.
Post-wedding, we assume the show has concluded. We believe we have fulfilled our love’s highest manifestation. We tied the knot as a testament to our love.
We erroneously think our relationship no longer requires nurturing. We anticipate it will blossom and yield fruits of everlasting affection.
Little do we realize that we mustn’t relinquish our dedication to fostering a deep connection in marriage.
We are coaxed into believing that the wedding ceremony is the end-all, be-all. We have made it this far, and now we can coast along!