Unless you seek unvarnished truth
”Ah, what a splendid nuptial ceremony.”
The millennial jubilantly expressed her enchantment with her friend’s recent wedding.
”The scenic backdrop was truly mesmerizing. The sun began its descent as they exchanged their vows. It sparked countless ideas for my own future wedding."
"Wait a moment,” a colleague interjected, “are you planning to tie the knot? Did someone propose to you?"
"Not yet, but one can dream, don’t you think? After attending several weddings this summer, I’m certain he’ll pop the question soon.”
During our lunch break, this young millennial colleague of ours continued to depict her ideal wedding to us, her fellow coworkers. She gushed about destination weddings, color schemes for dresses, and even shared her aspirations for the honeymoon.
Final words on marriage
”Hmm,” an elder coworker acknowledged her excitement.
”Alright…” a few of us sighed, exchanging knowing glances.
We allowed her to share her wedding anecdotes and romantic fantasies.
”And then what?” the soon-to-retire coworker inquired.
”What lies beyond the wedding? Do we live happily ever after?” the millennial half-heartedly laughed, seeking reassurance from everyone present.
Those turned out to be her final naive words.
”Wake me up when you return from the realm of fantasy,” I intervened. “If you believe marriage is solely about the wedding ceremony, you’re in for a rude awakening. Dating is the honeymoon period, the calm before the storm. It’s all downhill once the big day is over,” I shared, drawing from my own deeply personal experience.
”I was inebriated throughout my wedding day. That was the only way to endure it,” a coworker shouted across the room. “It was the biggest mistake of my life! And I’m referring to marriage, not getting drunk."
"In this day and age, one can lead a happy life without tying the knot. Marriage is akin to placing a loaded gun against your head. You never know when one of you will pull the trigger and shatter the other person’s existence."
"So, you’re willing to sacrifice your freedom and happiness for some foolish man? Willingly subject yourself to being questioned every 20 minutes about your activities? And endure scrutiny when any man dares to approach or message you? No, thank you!”
Guiding on the treacherous mountain of marriage
We continued in this vein, circling around the topic.
A room filled with divorcees, each of us attempting to grasp the irrational excitement of our younger colleague regarding marriage.
All of us had undergone painful, acrimonious, and soul-crushing divorces. We wouldn’t allow one of our own to embark on the treacherous path of marriage without realistically enlightening her about what lay ahead.
Marriage led me to weather one of the most devastating hurricanes in my life: divorce. It left me knocked down for a solid ten years. I poured out millions of words on heartbreak and loss.
For the past decade, I have immersed myself in grief and introspection as I wandered the world, seeking to rediscover myself and heal from this profound pain.
We felt remorseful for unloading our experiences on her, but she had initiated the conversation.
To be fair, she hadn’t realized that she was sharing her lofty marriage aspirations with a room full of embittered and cynical divorcees, people scarred by tumultuous relationships.
However, we wouldn’t passively let her dwell in her idyllic fantasy world.
While she dreamed of picturesque backdrops, destination weddings, and selecting dresses, we reflected on petty arguments, explosive conflicts, constant disagreements, and the agony of living in such circumstances. We pondered the suffering we endured in our past relationships, contrasting it with the happiness and freedom we experienced today.
She wouldn’t convince us of the beauty of marriage when we, the individuals in that room, had witnessed the ugliness of divorce.
It would be akin to persuading us that strolling in the Himalayas is a mere leisurely activity, with splendid vistas, without mentioning the risk of frostbite or perilous lack of oxygen at the summit.
We were doing her a favor. We were acting as her guides, helping her recognize the dangers that lie on the treacherous mountain of marriage.
The fantasy of marriage versus the reality of matrimony
Perhaps we came across as especially bitter and merciless towards our younger colleague, who held romanticized views of a perfect wedding and married life.
Our intention was to manage her expectations.
Each of us had endured a certain measure of personal demise when our marriages turned sour, only to be revived and given a chance to live once again. I had been submerged in despair and divorce. The retiree had endured three bitter divorces, to the extent that he continued working solely due to financial constraints imposed by those divorces.
In her thirties, one woman had single-handedly raised her son, as her deadbeat husband had absconded, displaying minimal concern for their nearly adult child.
Our younger colleague’s discussions about marriage triggered a multitude of emotions among the audience: loss, heartbreak, tears, and misery.
We could not allow her to be deceived by her friend’s grand ceremony, the promises of eternal love in popular songs, or the fairy tales shared on social media.
Yes, weddings can be glamorous, and the photographs will capture perfect moments.
However, the real work begins the day after you exchange vows.
Marriage is no leisurely stroll or endeavor for the faint of heart.
We wanted to provide her with an unadulterated truth, to set her expectations straight as she floated blissfully on Cloud 9.
It’s possible that our honesty bordered on brutality and excessive cynicism, shattering her bubble of blooming love and wedded bliss.
We had once believed in love, puppies, white picket fences, and happily ever afters.
We simply wished that someone had given us a reality check, guiding us onto the right path.
Our younger colleague will likely never bring up her romantic life in our presence again, but at least she now understands our unequivocal stance.
Just as some homeowners warn visitors about their dogs, so they don’t enter unannounced and risk their legs being chewed for an afternoon snack, we felt compelled to offer a similar warning to our naive colleague: Enter into marriage at your own peril.