Insights on love from Indian sages, matchmakers, and the mystic East
The pursuit of love can leave you yearning for solitude.
With the array of games and discourteous behavior rampant online, the endeavor feels devoid of value, rousing a disinterest in investing time in it.
From the enigma of ghosting to the deception of catfishing, the temptation to embrace a solitary existence for the remainder of life becomes stronger, as dating not only crushes the desire to pursue it further but may even lead to an inclination to take a vow of lifelong singlehood.
Why do I speak of this knowledge?
Because I, without premeditation or expectation, found myself entangled in the intricate world of dating a few years ago.
Following the end of a deeply emotional connection with the first person to captivate my romantic interest, a two-year courtship, and a seven-year marriage, I encountered divorce and pondered upon the very essence of existence.
This matrimonial union had not unfolded as I had envisioned or desired, and the last thing on my mind was another relationship.
Yet, like other souls shattered by divorce, I emerged from the depths of bereavement, nursed my wounds, and resolved that life was more fulfilling when shared with someone rather than traversing it alone.
And so commenced my calamitous expedition into the realms of dating.
The Conventional Approach to Love
I approached dating in a conventional fashion, akin to most individuals.
I had never truly dated until after my divorce, but I surmised that one simply reaches out to as many people as possible, acquaints oneself with them, and ventures forth accordingly.
Signing up for a multitude of dating applications, meticulously refining my profile, and contacting a vast array of individuals became my modus operandi, hoping to discover a resonance with someone.
Alas, how misguided I was!
This approach to dating is abysmal, and I feel compelled to expose the inadequacies of modern dating wisdom.
I fail to comprehend the origins of this modern dating advice, seemingly flowing from the pages of popular culture magazines one encounters in waiting rooms.
And let’s not forget the app creators, driven by a vested interest in promoting the notion of meeting as many individuals as possible, as if searching for love in an immeasurable haystack. It’s quite conceivable that one might remain on their dating app for anywhere between six months and six years.
An utter fallacy.
Dating cannot be approached by casting a broad net, hoping to ensnare “the one.” I understand that this trite, frequently shared counsel permeates lifestyle magazines and emanates from purported dating experts.
The Counter-Intuitive Path to Discovering Love
Alas, this strategy proved futile for me.
The dating apps yielded meager results. Few responded to my advances, and those who did, did so sporadically. My encounters with those I had dates with proved ephemeral.
After a couple of rendezvous with someone, I would find myself back on the dating apps, searching for a new connection. A perpetual return to the starting point, in pursuit of “the one.”
Being of Indian heritage, I possessed an exceptionally burdensome ace up my sleeve. There are few advantages to be gained from being Indian and engaged in the pursuit of love. Engaging in Indian dating may not only result in singledom but might also incite a momentary contemplation of the worthiness of life itself (a jest, my dear readers).
Many of us of Indian descent have access to a vast network of extended family (some known to us, most unknown) who believe it is their karmic duty to help any solitary soul they encounter find a partner and embark upon matrimony.
This arrangement is often referred to as arranged marriage. Others (myself included) denote it as coordinated marriage or bewilderingly uncomfortable, deeply vexing instances of forced introductions. There are individuals who possess copious information about countless “single” individuals around the world, withering away as they remain unpartnered.
These confidants strive to establish connections and introduce you to other solitary souls who are wilting in the rose garden of life. This is how mothers, aunties, and unrelated yet concerned individuals managed to acquire my phone number and inundate me with biographies and profiles of women who shared my age, had experienced divorce, and were also of Indian heritage.
It was in this alternate realm that I stumbled upon a revelation, which I now endeavor to share with you in the hope that it may revolutionize your approach to dating.
How Transforming Your Approach Will Hasten the Discovery of Your Life Partner
Abandon the notion of embarking on a multitude of dates in search of “the one.”
You will consume more coffee than your heart desires. You will partake in more meals with strangers than you ever thought possible, often squandering your resources on unsatisfying encounters.
You will engage in activities that you detest, perpetually trapped on the dreaded dating treadmill.
The wisdom I gleaned from “Indian dating” is to refrain from casting an indiscriminate net and dating anyone who catches your interest purely based on appearance.
(Mind you, physical attractiveness has naught to do with Indian dating, but that is a discussion for another day.)
Indian dating revolves around the realms of practicality. I was astounded by the compatibility I discovered with potential matches suggested by others. These family members and acquaintances, some known to me and others strangers, possessed the ability to unearth partners who shared my relationship status (divorced), my height, my preferences, my interests, and even my aspirations in life. They discovered artists and visionaries, writers and eloquent communicators.
Indeed, the strategies employed in Indian dating held more than a kernel of truth. This expansive Indian extended family and these enigmatic individuals, unknown to me, recognized something about myself that had eluded my own grasp.
They understood my essence, diligently gathered information about me, and commenced supplying me with potential dates and partners whom they believed I could be harmonious with.
Initially, I dismissed this notion as utterly absurd… until I found myself becoming enamored with the individuals they introduced me to!?! It became a journey of self-discovery—an awakening to my true nature, my genuine desires, and the compatibility that awaited me.
The Hidden Ingredient for Uncovering Love
The key to effective dating does not lie in embarking on countless dates with strangers who share little in common with you but possess an appealing facade.
The endeavor does not entail tirelessly searching far and wide until you stumble upon “the one.” This approach may yield results, but it necessitates surrendering years of your life and draining your sanity.
A far more efficacious approach involves eliminating those who share little in common with you and discerning who is unequivocally “not the one.”
In our starry-eyed, melodious fantasies and romanticized minds, we immerse ourselves in tales of love and fairy tales of romance. Yet, these are but whimsical figments.
Cease dating individuals with whom you share minimal common ground. Not everyone possesses the potential to be your life partner. Refrain from squandering vast amounts of time on uninspiring encounters, knowing deep within that they have no future.
Instead of assessing whether a person aligns with your preconceived notions, alter your approach. Prioritize filtering out and dismissing as many unsuitable prospects as possible.
Once you truly comprehend and embrace your true self and your desires, the art of dating will become remarkably easier. Embrace the power of saying “no” to those who do not align with your vision, enabling you to gain absolute clarity regarding your desires and only connecting with those who truly resonate with you.
The prevailing dating approach suggests that one should give everyone a fair chance and observe where it leads. I remain skeptical.
Having experimented with both approaches, the secret sauce, in my experience, lies in self-awareness, knowing the partner you seek, and actively eliminating as many individuals as possible from the pool of potential matches.
A Paradigm Shift of Profound Magnitude in the Realm of Dating
Rather than diving headfirst into the vast ocean of dating, you meticulously select those to whom you grant entry. You achieve this by truly knowing yourself and comprehending who it is you seek.
The Indian aunties and enigmatic strangers who appeared to know me better than I knew myself seemed to possess a wisdom that had eluded me.
They studied me, engaged in conversations with acquaintances, and scrutinized my life circumstances, subsequently presenting me with highly compatible partners. They began suggesting potential matches based on